For readers wanting to pass themselves off as knowledgeable about surfing?this guide collects all you need to know. Learn about the techie side of the sport?some cell phones are linked to cameras on beaches so that you can look at the waves to see if it’s worth a surf without actually going there. An accessory like this is a must-have item for the bluffer who wants to look dialed in to changing surf conditions and appear authentic in front of real surfers. Learn how to react, or not react, to a massive wave?the surfer who drawls, ?I’ve seen bigger waves in my bathtub,” is the hero of the moment, rather more so if he was in the water when the wave arrived. And learn the one surfing that is not spoken about: An easy way of warming up the water inside your wetsuit is by urinating in it immediately on touching the shoreline. Every surfer does this, but if the world were to know that surfers actually surf immersed in their own urine, their cover would be blown, their coolness quotients would go into freefall, and they would be considered weird sixties-style, dope smoking, free loving, tree-hugging, vegan urine-embracing naturists.